What’s in your Your bank account will make a difference!
Feel like you’re not getting the love and respect you deserve from your spouse? Does she roll her eyes when you make a suggestion or dismiss you and your ideas? Does it seem that you can’t do anything right when it comes to your spouse? This is a common feeling that men feel and you aren’t sure why? Or maybe you do know and it’s because your wife’s a bitch and she is out to make your life hell? You may start to think that you deserve better and can do better with someone else or worse you already have your eye on someone else! Woh!! Before you do that you may want to put your foot back in your marriage and reflect on your relationship before you make some moves you will later regret.
First of all guard your thoughts…. they will become your reality. Secondly, according to The 7 Principles of Making Marriage Work, developed by Dr. John Gottman, through over 40 years of researching happy couples, the reason for most marriage problems is that the friendship between the couple has diminished or has broken down. Therefore there is a negative sentiment override on everything. This means that everything you do will be taken or is seen as negative because you haven’t been a good friend to your spouse!
What do I mean by that? Think about it… your best friend comes over and what do you do? You greet them with excitement, you sit with them, have a drink or a meal, you’re interested in what they’ve been up to, you’re looking them in the eye so you can really talk to them. Your phone rings and you shut the ringer off and continue your conversation. You are totally paying attention to your best friend!
So where does your bank account factor into this? The bank I’m talking about is your Relationship bank account. This is an account of all the positive sentiments and interactions you have deposited in it… If you were to check your balance right now what would it look like? Do you have a hefty size positive balance? Is it running low? Or Are you in the red? This is what may be affecting the love and respect you get back from your wife!
Okay so how do you make positive deposits into this Relationship bank account? Well one of the seven Principles is to nurture your fondness and admiration for your wife. This will help to rebuild or reconnect your friendship with her. Here are a few suggestions..
- List the things that you love or reasons you fell in love with your wife. In what ways has she made your life happier?
- Pay attention! Lots of it! Observe. Discover. Remember how you are with your bff? Ask the question, “In what ways can I show you I love you?” Make it a long list so that you can have many opportunities! Just this one question will light her up but watch out! She may be suspicious! She may see this as a manipulative ploy if your relationship is in deep doo doo! She may not feel safe with you …But keep steady and be her rock. You can change that quickly by being consistent!
- Go down the list and begin to Do the things that show her you appreciate her. By now you may be thinking, if I do this she will roll right over me ! No! According to science, genuinely doing good things for others actually makes you happier, enhances your immune system, elevates your mood, and reduce your stress! So you are the winner already ! But what’s more important is that your relationship wins also!
- When she complains about something drop everything and pay more attention. Don’t offer solutions just be there to support her. If it’s you she’s complaining about … take a deep breath… then ask yourself what she may be needing? All complaints have a positive need behind them!! Examples of Needs are love, respect, adventure , variety, fun, physical, financial or emotional support, financial or emotional stability, reassurance, clarity, etc…
- Then ask her what she is requesting of you! Then only if you can whole heartedly accept her request … do it! If not go to step 6.
- If you cannot whole heartedly accept to do whatever the request… ask yourself, what part of this request can I honor? Then ask yourself, what are my needs that are keeping me from saying yes to her request? Then let her know. Together, using this process to find a solution that would be a win win situation for both of you.
Now that you’ve made some deposits into your relationship bank account what have you noticed? Click below to let me know!